The TRUE Lord of the Flies
by LotF
Summary: What REALLY happened on the island. Don't believe what the original author of the book told you!


**A/N**: Second Lord of the Flies fic. O.o 

**--xThe TRUE Lord of the Fliesx--**

Chapter One: The Pretty Shell That's Somehow Mistaken For A Trumpet Even Though It Sounds Nothing Like One.

Once apon a time, there was a war. Not just any war, but an important war. Anyways, there were 50 kids on one plane, and it crashed with no adult survivors. Why? So we can all be pedophiles.

One of the kids who survived was named Ralph. He was slightly impaired, and he was very annoying. He talked to birds, and he strips alot.

A fat child came out of the forest jungle thing and approached Ralph.

"WE'S ONNA ISLAND WITHOUT NO ONE TO CARE FOR US!" Why he knew this was because his glasses were smart.

"Sucks to your ass-mar," Ralph said.

"OH LOOK, A SHELL!" the fat one, who I like to call Piggeh, yelled loudly and pointed at a conch.

"I's is gonna use it to call the other people kid things." Thus he did. The other kids all popped out of nowhere.

"WHERE'S THE MAN WITH THE TRUMPET!" screamed a choir boy with red hair, who was named Jack.

"...OMG U STOOPED!" Ralph said.

He was so stupid, in fact, that Simon fainted.

Then they explored the island.

Chapter Two: The Island Catches On Fire Even If There Is None To Start With.

"We need to make a signal fire so's we can get noticed," spoke Piggeh.

"Sucks to your ass-mar! I say we make a signal fire so's we can get noticed! Follow me!" And Ralph didn't even budge.

The island caught on fire, and everyone started to scream. They had no reason to, actually, cuz the island was so friggin' small you couldn't even tell if it was a rock covered with fungus or if it was a dead whale's back. But they screamed for five hours.

Then they discovered a mountain, and some dumb child with a birthmark said there was a beast living on it.

"Ya'll is stooped," Ralph said. "There ain't no such thing as a dumb beast. Ya'll need to be in kindergarden again!"

They started to scream again.

"We need meat," said Jack. "I need hunt pigs."

"Yeah," a scary looking boy named Roger agreed.

"How do we even know there's any hog on this island! We don't have any proof at all! We never saw any stupid pigs on this island except for Piggeh! Don't go hunting mirages blah blah blah!" Ralph said.

Jack was stupid.

Chapter Three: Random Character Descriptions That Have Nothing To Do With Anything.

Jack had a burnt back covered in freckles. Whenever Simon poked him, he would cry and attack him. But his back was so sunburnt that he always had to lay in cold water at least 4 times a day, and that's why the water is so hot. And his hair changed colors.

Simon had long black hair and a pointy chin. His eyes were green and he went to a secret place in the forest jungle thing. And he was short and dumb-looking. Roger seceretly pined for him.

Chapter Four: Jack Goes Hunting And A Plane Goes By But The Fire's Out Cuz He Went Hunting.

Jack went hunting for pigs. Him and his posse were wearing masks that covered their faces. Then they raped it cuz they didn't wanna announce their homosexuality.

A plane goes by and Ralph is naked again. He reached the top of the mountain where the fire was supposed to be and he started crying cuz it was there but there wasn't any smoke.

Jack came back with blood all over him and Roger.

"ME KILL PIG!" he said. Which was kind of obvious seeing as how he was covered in blood and he was carrying its carcass around...But this is Ralph he's talking to, and as I stated earlier, Ralph is impaired. At least Jack's considerate enough to care about Ralph's dissability.

"I don't care, ya stooped," Ralph spoke his reply. "Ya let the fire go out. A stooped plane passed us and even though the fire was still burning, there wasn't any smoke ya stooped! Now we gotta put more green branches on it to make it burn blah blah blah!" Again, Ralph was being an annoying disadvantage.

"Shu'up and eat." Jack threw a slab of meat with trignosis at our blonde...kinda hero. They ate, and the noises were so disgusting that if you were there to hear them, you would throw up just at the sound because it sounded too disgusting.

Simon didn't want to eat because he was a vegetarian and he believed killing animals was wrong and perverse. Whenever his nanny back on the farm would chop up an ol' heffer, he would go to his room and cry cuz he loved teh heffers. They made milk and went moo. Sometimes he would have dreams about demon cows and he would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying, and he would run to his nanny because she made all the bad thoughts go away. But his nanny wasn't with him on the island, so when he would dream about the cows, he would just lay in the sand, sobbing softly.

"AIN'T I HAVIN NUN!" screamed the fat porker known as Piggeh. "I'S IS HUNGRY AND I NEED SOME MEAT OR I'LL DIE OF STARVATION!"

"Sucks to your ass-mar," said Ralph.

"You didn't hunt cuz you're too slow and fat and DUMB!" Jack laughed, and soon did Roger and Maurice.

"NEITHER DID RALPH AND SIMON!" he soon started to break some people's ears.

"Here ya go." Simon was nice and gave Piggeh some food.

"I HATE YOO!" Jack screamed and threw meat at Simon's head, causing the poor lad to faint again.

Chapter Five: The Beast That Kinda Exists But It Can't Be Seen So It Changes Species Alot Cuz The Kids Are Dumb.

"I SAW A BEAST!" screamed Samneric, who were really just two people fused together.

"I don't really care cuz there's no such thing as a beast!" Ralph yelled. "Beasts don't exist except for on television and in comix and in stupid imaginations! It's night time! Why are we even talking about this blah blah blah!"

"IT'S IN THE FOREST!"

"No, no. It in da seaaa. Daddy says they ain't seen all the sea creatures yet."

"IT'S A GHOST!"

"AHHHH A GHOST!" screamed all the younguns.

"Let's have a vote on whether it's a ghost or not," said Ralph. "Cuz if we vote, then we can decide what it tis even if the beast isn't even a ghost at all, but it's like we can decide what species it is even if we've never actually seen it before and Samneric who are really two people lied to us."

Everyone but Piggeh and Simon raised their hands on whoever thought it was a ghost. That just proved how dumb they were.

"Okay. It's a ghost."

"AHHHH A GHOST!" they screamed again.

Chapter Six: They Find A Place Where Jack Thinks They Should Make A Fort And That's Where His Tribe's Gonna Be.

"We need to see if there's a place where the beastie could be hiding!" declaired Ralph. "Because if there IS a beast, then we need to know where it might hide cuz then we can kill it even though Jack's hunters kinda suck and all they have are sticks they use to kill pigs with." He was naked as he said this, because during the night, he likes to sleep without any clothes on and sometimes he forgets to put some on. But he's impaired, so he can be forgiven.

"There's a part where rocks pile up. Teh beastie might live there." said Jack.

"WE SHALL HUNT THEN!" Ralph screamed, and soon, they were traveling.

They found a rock place thing at the other side of the island. It was big and even though it looked absolutely nothing like a castle, they still called it Castle Rock.

"Welp. The beast isn't here." Jack said. "But it's nice so whenever I make a tribe for hunters, we shall reside here!"

And then they went to the mountain where they saw some really really dead guy. They screamed and ran back to the beach place thing and complained about seeing a beastie even though it was just some really really really really friggin' dead guy.

"HE HAD BIG BLACK EYES AND TEETH AND CLAWS BLAH BLAH BLAH!" Ralph said, even though none of those characteristics really fit the description of the real "beastie".

The younguns then started to cry, and Jack spoke.

"Yanno what?" he spoke.

"Whu?" Ralph replied, cuz it was Jack who was talking to him.

"I hate you and your rules."

"BUT THE RULES IS ALL WE GOTS!" Ralph cried.

"Bullocks to the rules! We're strong! We hunt! If there's a beast we smoke it out and beat and beat!"

The younguns then started to scream really loudly and ran across the beach, heading towards the forest.

"WHAT'S GROWN-UPS GOIN TO SAY!" Piggeh cried.

"Sucks to your ass-mar."

5 hours later, the kids were still screaming.

Chapter Seven: Simon Goes Crazy And Jack And His New Tribe Rape Another Pig And No One Knows Why

Jack and his raped a pig again, and they put it's head on a stick. Jack said it was a gift for the beast.

"It's a gift for the beast," he said.

Simon just so happen to view upon it and he went crazy.

"STEP FOWAD, SHEMON!" screamed the head. Simon stepped forward.

"I AM TEH LORD OF TEH FLIEZ FEAR ME!"

"...okay." Simon said.

"DEY GONNA KEEL YOU!"

"..." then he began to sob cry.

Chapter Eight: The Kids Are Retarded And They Think Simon's A Beast So They Kill Him.

Simon went back to the camp, and the people were doing a stupid little dance.

"WE ARE CRAZY!" Jack screamed.

Ralph and Piggeh were the only ones not participating in the dance because they were smart. They started to speak in italics.

"_KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD! BASH HIM IN!_"

They were being sexist as they spoke. Whoever said the beast was a male? But seeing as how there were so many species changes, that kind of made sense.

Simon appeared three feet away from the fire, trying to tell them that the beast was inside of you, but Jack pointed at him with a scared look on his face.

"IT'S THE REAL BEAST!" he said. Even though you could CLEARLY see Simon three feet away from the fire, he didn't look anything like a ghost or a squid or a dead guy. But I guess that could kind of be forgiven seeing as how there were so many species changes.

The tribesmen went all stupider and crazier and attacked Simon. They then pushed him off a cliff and he died. His body was glowing, and his body didnt really float off to sea. He just kinda stayed there.

During the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep, Roger left the camp and wandered through the forest, sobbing softly cuz he killed Simon.

Chapter Nine: Everyone Leaves The Camp Of Democracy Because Jack Said He Would Feed Everyone Who Joined His Tribe.

"SIMON DIED!" screamed Piggeh.

"Sucks to your ass-mar," Ralph said.

Samneric who were really just two people walked up to Ralph.

"Can we go live with Jack?" they had asked.

"Go ahead," Ralph said. "I forget why I care anymore."

Thus they went, and Piggeh complained about them stealing his glasses in the dark even though he was still wearing them.

"CAN WE GO YELLS AT THEM, RALPH!"

"I don't care..." they went, and when they got to Castle Rock, Roger threw a tiny pebble at Piggeh that killed him and Ralph started to cry and ran away.

Chapter Ten: I Forget What Happens In This Chapter

Chapter Eleven: Something Happens In This Chapter Too But I Think I Just Skipped A Bunch Of Crap.

True.

Chapter Twelve: The Last Chapter

Samneric who were really just two people told Ralph that Roger sharpened a stick on both ends.

"THEY GONNA KEEL YOU!" he said.

"Don't tell them I'm hiding in bushes." Ralph said.

"Alright." They promised him they wouldn't tell, but Roger tortured them and they told him that Ralph was hiding in the bushes.

In the morning, Jack caught the island on fire. Ralph ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran till he reached the beach. Then there was a guy there who looked big and smart.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Is there's a war going on here?"

"Yes." Ralph said.

"Cool. We have one going on right now. But alot of people are dieing. How many people died in your war?"

"Like...Two. But alot of people went missing. Like some mulberry birthmark kid and a guy named Bill. We dunno what happened to them, and to be honest, none of us really care."

They all then started to cry like little wusses, and they soon boarded the ship plane thing.

**_DA END!_**

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**A/N** Wow. That was...interesting.


End file.
